I have been there and empathize with you. You have made the first step by asking for help and being open to receive it. You may being tested right now and feeling lost, but remember this, within the God/Goddess world, no one is lost or out of reach of the Divine! The practice of prayer and meditation will give you access to grace. Try not to live in the past and please know there are lots of us out here who support you during this time. Thank you for reaching out to us. :-*
Live in the light.
Kay