I know you are feeling tremendously overwhelmed right now and you clearly need someone to talk to. If you don't have someone to talk to about this, you might try the phone book. Under Cummuity Services there is a listing for Women Helping Women Services and also there is a listing under Mental Health and Crisis Intervention for the Mental Health Association in Los Angeles County (Information, Referral, and Support for Families). I don't know what county you live in but I'm sure whatever county it is would have the same type of services. Don't be embarrased to ask for help because that is what they are there for. Please keep reaching out for help and keep me posted. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
May the light of protection shine upon you and your family.
Kay